i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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