It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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