I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
