1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize