Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
