It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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