He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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