I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
