I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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