my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
