bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
