Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
