I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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