Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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