I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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