Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
