ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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