Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
