I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
