ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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