I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
