woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
