I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize