well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I deserve this hangover.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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