We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize