Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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