My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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