Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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