Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
