Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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