What a fucking waste of an outfit
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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