Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
