Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
