fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize