Betty ford says i'm here all night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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