Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
