why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
