I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
