smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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