My balls are so social today.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
