Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
