i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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