My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
