I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
