Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
