i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
