This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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