I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
