i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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