the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
