MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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