im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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