...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
