I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
