I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
