I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
