My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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