I think my vagina is haunted
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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