I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
